women have a descriptive need; men have a communicative one

This idea came courtesy of my friend Stabach.   He doesn’t understand why women have to name every shade and every variation of color a different name.  To be completely honest, I don’t really get it either, but I think it’s based around the fact that women have the need to describe everything in extreme detail, whereas men tend to just want to get the gist across and leave the conversation there.  Detail is really unnecessary.  In season 2 of friends, “the one with the list”, the episode starts out with Rachel telling this story about how Ross kissed her and it takes about 3 minutes of details just to share the instance of this one kiss.  Ross tells the same story to Joey and Chandler and it comes out like this: “And then I kissed her.”  “Tongue?”  < nods head >

On twitter, any time one of the girls sees a really hot guy, we mention it.  The response is always, “I wanna see!  Take a picture!”  Men don’t do this.  The guys courteously ignore our conversations and go on with their lives. 

This leads me up to a conversation I had last night with Bags: I had an incident which ended with my venting the comment “so, there may be some confusion, so let me clear this up: I’m not a guy. Don’t treat me like one!”  As mentioned above, I don’t understand the need most women have to describe everything in such extreme detail, and to the chagrin of my girly-friends, I don’t even know what color chartreuse is.  This doesn’t actually affect me in my everyday life.  I don’t often come across the need to know what color that is, unless one of my girly-friends feels the need to explain something in so much detail that I’m sure my head is going to explode.  At this point, I smile politely and nod, because though I’m not girly, I am also not a bitch.  Anyway, Bags pointed out that for reasons passing understanding, women have this tendency to treat him like a girl.  He thinks it has to do with the “nice guy” complex.  I suspect that it’s less that they treat him like a girl, and more that they try to come up with reasons to hang out around him since he really is quite the commodity, but in any case, he referred me to this link on his blog: http://www.thebigbags.com/dishes.  I would have been climbing the walls if this had happened to me too.

In any case, I think it all boils down to the same thing: women need to live vicariously, so don’t bother sharing your story with one unless it comes complete with tissues, an unplugged phone, and detailed color descriptions.  Also, if we have had a romantic scenario at some point in the past, do me the favor of not asking me for dating advice in your current situation.  If we have ever kissed, it’s very likely that I do not want to help you in your efforts to get it on with other girls.  I am not your dating guru. 

On the other hand, ladies, don’t ask guys to come with you if your errand is choosing dishes that will match the motif of your current living situation.  And for that matter, don’t ask me either.