You Know You’re a Mom When…

I’ve been thinking about things I’d never considered part of life until I had children, and I wanted to do a mini-tribute to the kinds of things that change when you become a parent. Though in the title it says, “mom” you can safely assume that many, if not most of these also apply to dads. I asked for input from several sources and these are some of the responses I got, as well as a few of my own thoughts. Enjoy.

…you notice snot on your shirt and realize it’s been there for hours and that it’s not yours.
…your bra falls off, you notice the hooks are extremely out of whack and you wonder if you have to throw it away, or if you can fix it with pliers.
…you find yourself singing children’s songs and you know every word.
…you sway back and forth even when you’re not holding a child.
…you catch your child’s vomit in your hands to keep it from getting on the carpet.
…you get pooped on, and you sigh instead of gagging.
…you have matchbox cars in your purse.
…you get dressed up to go out and notice a poop/baby food/milk stain on you…more than halfway through the night.
…someone calls your name and it takes you a good two minutes to realize they are talking to you because you have gotten so use to being called mommy.
…you eat the food that was just in your LO’s mouth.
…you decide to ‘wear’ your baby to cover a milk stain.
…you feel like you “move” anytime you leave your house.
…everything you ever need is on the floor of your car.
…you stash baby wipes in every room and a burp cloth on every piece of furniture. And in every vehicle. And in every purse/bag. Of which you now carry 3 giant ones, all of which contain essential supplies.
…your “me time” usually consists of daddy watching the baby for 30 minutes while you clean up the kitchen or do laundry.
…you’ve ever crawled under a crib at 2 a.m. searching for a pacifier like your life depended on it.
…you’ve ever stuck a pacifier in your mouth just to clean it off!
…if you never call a pacifier “a pacifier.”
…if you find yourself singing Old MacDonald in the car…alone!
…you start looking at diaper bags the same as you did those awesome leather purses currently hanging in your closet.
…you can take a shower, do hair and makeup in less than 10 minutes (with an audience).
…you don’t even shut the door to go to the bathroom.
…you taste baby food along with the evening meal.
…you wake up with extra people in bed with you.
…you stop caring if people think your house is nice and you just wish they’d think your kids were nice.
… you have 15 bras in 10 different sizes.
…your idea of “staying up late” is 11pm.
…you go shopping for “retail therapy” and don’t buy anything for yourself, but still feel better.
…taking a shower is the only alone time you get.
…saliva is an acceptable grooming product.
…you say “get the toy telephone out of your panties and go eat dinner” and it doesn’t phase you one iota.
…you sit down on the floor with your English Muffin to rub your 11 month old’s back while he stares at you with purpose in his eyes and pushes out a poop.
…you take a mouthful of Cod au Gratin and deftly sniff a new wet spot on your child’s shirt to see if it’s drool or spit up wihtout missing a beat (thoroughly disgusting your child-free brother/son/uncle in the process).
…silence is scary because it means your kids are getting into something they should avoid.
…you spend the day with your breasts exposed and it’s not *just* for fun.
… you go a day with out showering and/or brushing ur teeth!
…you’re potty training and you do a dance with your toddler for peeing and pooing in the potty.
…you find your child has gotten into a dirty diaper and is playing with it and, yes, eating it, or trying to eat it, and all you can say is “well, that’s a first!” (and then promptly give LO a bath!)
…”that doesn’t belong in your nose” becomes your most spoken phrase of the day.
…when you have a sudden vested interest in poop.
…you look in the mirror and see baby throw up in your partially brushed hair, poop on your shirt, the baby responsible for it passed out in your arms with no diaper, a 2 year old clogging the toilet and a 4 year old singing Twinkle Twinkle Little star to help the baby sleep.
…you sound like your own (wonderful) mother (i.e. “the spatula doesn’t go in the toilet….no, please don’t put it back with the other spoons!”)
…your days are so full of little peoples’ discovery and silliness that the love spills out in laughs all day long.

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