I write articles for a living. They give me the titles and I explain how to do it. Most of them are serious, designed to help people who do not already know how to do something to get it done. A very few of them are meant to be written with a humorous air so that people don’t take them seriously, but there really aren’t very many of those. I, however, am also going a little nuts, and you can tell because my articles on how to do things are getting mouthy, and everything is getting a little tongue in cheek, instead of just the few things that should be. For example, I wrote an explanation on getting envelopes for tax forms. Now, think about it for just a moment: you buy them. If you have to send out tax forms, you buy the envelopes that they go in, and you mail out the forms and everyone is happy. It really is that simple. I have to come up with a way to say that in at least 200 words. So in excruciating detail, I outlined each and every step for two different ways to go about getting a tax envelope. One way involves getting the envelope that comes with your own personal tax forms from your job. The other way is to go the company route and buy your own envelopes. I even mentioned that office supply places only sell them during prep for tax time, so they might have to go online to get them if there is no local way to satisfy the tax-envelope fetish. It was fun to write but only because I’m a terrible, terrible person. I even debated having a step that involved throwing a computer out of one’s office window. I thought to myself, “hey, maybe it will be funny enough and I won’t lose my job.” My sense got the better of me and I took that step out. I’ve had that thought before, and all too often, my joke is actually really funny but the person I’m saying it to is too stupid to get it, so I get fired anyway. Only Zach Braff can get away with that.
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