I hate the game. When I say “the game” I don’t mean the subculture of pickup artists, though I’m not the biggest fan of that game either. No, the game to which I am referring is the one that we play when we’re attracted to someone. I hate the game. It’s horrid.
I’m not sure why, but for some reason, the fear of rejection make us behave like total morons when we’re around someone we are interested in. What makes it worse is that we all seem enamoured on playing the game, even though no one really enjoys it. It’s like some unwritten law requires all of us to flirt and be coy and try to send messages through body language and interaction, and let’s all of us be honest here: no one is good at this.
My first rule of human interaction is this: talk about everything. My second rule of human interaction is here: listen when something is being said! The first rule may take guts. The second rule only really involves paying attention, and in many ways, it’s more important than the first. If you are involved with someone who is not a fan of they way you’re behaving and that person doesn’t say anything or do anything to let you know, then their experience is their own fault. On the other hand, if they do say something or give you a pretty clear signal, like, say, removing your hand from their stomach if they don’t like to be touched there, it is your fault if things go south. These are universal rules that are true in all human interactions, even if they are only verbal. Does it ruin the mystique? A little. On the other hand, I think that may be ok, since it also improves the chances that everyone wins, rather than no one.
The best part about following these rules is that you can avoid the horrid confrontation that occurs once pressure build up has gotten to the point that the situation boils over and you have a yelling match where someone invariably screams, “that’s fine!” and by that point, the scenario has come tumbling down and there is always at least an injury, if not a fatality, with that relationship.
Now that you’ve been depressed by the doomsday prophecy, realize that all of this can be avoided by getting over the fear of rejection. I know a guy who is only really moderately attractive, but he has an amazing sense of self-confidence, and it is because he knows that the only way he’s going to hook-up with a girl is if he talks to her, and once she has given him the no-sign, he moves on to the next one. He might talk to ten girls in a night, but he has a much higher chance of picking up one, than the other guys who play the game.
So, the moral of the story is use that hole under your nose for something other than eating!